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Goddess.  I'm so mixed up.  I'm so messed up.  I'm so screwed up.  I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do about it.  First I'm so high, and happy.  Then I crash adn wanna cry for no reason.  Plus, all today I felt sick.  Especailly when I ate.  But when I didn't eat I got stomache craps and slightly dizzy.  I barely made it through the last couple of days, I feel like crap.  However, I have to push on.  There is no room for me to pause, or to take much of a break.  I guess I will take one tomorrow.  After school. : /  BLECK.

On the bright side.  I;ve been helping people again.  Talking to them.  Making them feel better.  helping them mentally.  I've really missed doing that XDDD  Maybe I should be a counclier.  But not really.  WAY to many problems for me when I have my own.  Yeah. 

Oddly.  There is now a country style country song that bring a smile to my lips, and makes me space off in day dreams.  I blame YOU James : )  But its not a bad song I guess.  It just..... touches me now.  Cause of what he did.  *hugs*

I'm going to bed now.
I just lost a whole huge LJ post the I worked of for a long time.  Grrr.  Trying to redo it!!  Its about how my life is soo Grrr and up and down.  yesh.  GRRRRR.



*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* I GOT THE MUTHER FUCKIN JOB!!! I GOT IT!!!  After like, 4 apps, and two interviews.I finally got the job!!!!!  At the LIBRARY!!!!  YAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYZ!!!!  Going to school now ^_^  Just had to say that!!

Mar. 10th, 2007

Okay, so I got an interveiw for the Monroe library.  I found out about it on thursday, but confirmed it today.  I was also shown the hours.  OMG.  I want this job.  the hours are PERFECT all after school, or during the day on saterday.  One's a late shift, sorta, but that works cause its near my house.  Plus, its not later then Mcdonalds.  I might stay with Mcdonalds for a little bit, but I will only be avalible for a small amount for that place.  And I will just keep it for a small amount of time. Shweet.  I might need to find another job though, but, *shrug*  This sounds great!!!  YAYAYAYAZ!!!

Emo poetry Round Two

Black Mask
Black mask, falling in waves
hides the windows to the soul
satin sheet like waterfall
yet wild and out of control
At times like dark wire
sharp whip, bringing pain
hides away the truth so that
the glint is not shown plain
Framing and blocking dark spark
which shows what lies inside
what almost is and emtpy shell
that dark emotions ride
Both passion and pain resides within
the soulfull gleam taht it covers
both together fill and fight
and are entwined like lovers
All with in the beast's heart
who hides beneath the black curtain
which way the creater's path is set
nothing is yet certain
To perish with a soul so black
may yet be her fate
though for a peaceful reckoning
it may not be too late.

Emo Poetry Fun TIme

Here are three poems I Wrote recently.  X posted to Myspace.

Broken Soul
The marks on my arms
At night they bleed
Showing the urge
The craving, the need


The tears on my face
Track a downward path
All which is hid
Behind an akward laugh

Deep down I hide
All that I'm feeling
My emotions and thoughts
I'm constantly sealing

But if you look hard
You still can see
The pain and hurt
That fills me

My eyes are a window
That shows my soul
Fragmented, in pieces
So far from whole.

The Marks that Bleed
Dark line against glowing bronze
Leaks streaming lines of crimson red
Green and Gold eyes look upon
The result of the life they've led
Watches as life's precious nector
Slowly makes it's downward way
Trailing across the warm bronze
Carresing the flesh where it lay

The shinging light within the eyes
Slowly fades into the dark
While trailing streams of crimson dry
leaving only red-brown marks
As glowing bronze loses its gleam
And it's warmth fades aways
Because the light that fills the being
No longer can it stay.

Feb. 24th, 2007

Sad.  Lj totally lost this awesometastic post of AIM convos between me and Spirk.  We were crazy.  And talked about things like buffy : )  YAY for Buffy!!  I stayed up till four something this morning watching random Buffy episodes.  Like the finally of season two.  OMG that mad me cry.  When Angel gets his soul back, and its all, crap acathala is alive, and he's so confused, but I have to send him to hell anyway T_T  And this time, since I was looking for it, I totally paid attention to them playing Close Your Eyes, and it played just liek I thought it did/ would ^_^  Good song that.  Full of emotion and heartbreak.  It makes you think of love lost, and brings a tear to your eye when you listen to it.  Its that sorrowful  (and if you doubt me, I'll make you listen to it.)  Seriously.  I say serioulsy a lot.

Yesterday was fun at the mall. Erin and I ended up getting Matching Green bras and underwear.  They are teh sexy ^_^  I also got more Jelly bracelets.  Green and Black, and White and Black.  Relooked up Jelly Bracelets, just for fun.  White has other meaning besides flashing.  It can also mean French Kiss.  Green can either mean hug, or the more common one is oral for teh girl.  I dunno why, but I find these intresting.  Like, the bracelets.  The whole concept behind them and shiz, teh debate about them.  All of that sort of thing.  Yeah

Gotta Go to work now, so I'm off, yeah.  I say yeah a lot tooooo.  Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Okay!

FUCKING TEACHER

She’s going on about sources and quotes… yeah, its FUCKING OP ED.  Quotes aren’t needed so much.  And you don’t actually need to put in sources ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  Let me go get you a fucking op-ed from a PROFFESIONAL paper.  I know, I  USED TO READ THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

*post courtesy of kai, cause zandra cant*

Life is life.  NOt much time.  At library.  Work alot.  Move went well.  Now off of Fales Rd.  JOY.  Oh well, near woodinville and teh Barnes and Noble now, YAYAYAYAYAY.  Yeah.
So, I have decided I dont' fucking care anymore.  I don't.  I'm gonna be a bit more of a bitch, deal with it.  CAuse you know what?  FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY TRUE OPINIONS.  Got it?  Also, FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T CARE!!!

If you don't hear from me or see me for quite sometime, you may never again.  buh bye.